The Power of Coregulation and Connection

Have you ever had a hard day and felt better after venting and connecting with a friend or family
member? You were coregulating and it shouldn’t come as a surprise that your kids need that too!

Coregulation is a process by which adults and children regulate their emotions and behaviors
together. While adults are able to manage their emotions and “use their words”, children are still
learning this skill! When a child becomes overstimulated or overwhelmed by emotions, they
can’t access the logical part of their brain like an adult can, meaning they lose the ability to use
words or learned coping strategies, resulting in a meltdown. In a meltdown, children are not
always “hearing” what is being said to them; they respond more to body language and facial
expressions versus words or prompting. A meltdown isn’t the time to control or dictate a child’s
behavior, but instead is a time to create a supportive environment where the child feels safe and
understood. By focusing on connecting with the child, we can help them manage their emotional
and physiological state.

Why is Coregulation Crucial in Occupational Therapy?

  • Building Trust and Security: Coregulation provides a consistent and responsive relationship that builds trust. When a child feels secure and understood, they are more likely to be able to participate fully in therapy sessions.
  • Enhancing Emotional Regulation: Through coregulation, children learn to recognize and manage their own emotions. It is important for the trusted adult to model appropriate responses and coping strategies to help the child develop their own tools for managing stress, frustration, or even excitement.
  • Facilitating Engagement and Learning: When children are regulated, they are better able to focus, follow directions, and participate in daily activities. Coregulation helps to create an optimal state of arousal where children can be both calm and alert, making learning and skill acquisition more effective.

How Can I Use Coregulation At Home?

  • Modeling Calm Behavior: By remaining calm and present, you can provide a model for children to emulate.
  • Using Sensory Tools: Incorporating sensory activities like weighted blankets, calming music, or bubbles can help regulate a child’s sensory system.
  • Responding to your child’s cues: Pay close attention to your child’s cues and adjust activities to support their needs. For example, if you can tell your child is already frustrated, it’s probably not the best time to ask them to learn or practice a new skill!
  • Have empathy: Remember that your child doesn’t WANT to have a meltdown. It is their attempt to connect and get help the only way they know how to in the moment. They are still learning and are doing the best they can!

By Michelle Beckwith, OTR/L

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